[In this post I’m following my own advice to open up and be vulnerable talking about money (more specifically, money mistakes). Besides Mr. FL, no one else knew about the following personal story I’m about to share.]
I’ve made some pretty big money mistakes during my early and mid 20s. In this post, I’m sharing with you one of the biggest money mistakes I’ve made. For years, I’ve struggled to understand my money behaviors. Despite having an academic background in psychology, somehow I failed to associate my relationship with money to my upbringing. I probably saw part of the equation, but definitely missed the full picture. That is until very recently. My parents’ frugal ways of living definitely positively affected my frugal nature. However, knowing what I know now, having lived in years of scarcity most likely affected my consumption behaviors. There was this constant fear of scarcity in the household I grew up. Even to this date, my mother still overstuffs the refrigerator, freezer and pantry. She still buys into the fear that this item or that is not going to be available for sale the next day, month, or year. To help herself cope with the fear, she buys more than she needs on a regular basis. So, like my mother, for years, I was in a constant battle with myself between the desire to be frugal and the desire to hoard material things.
This past weekend while rotating out my warm weather clothes to make room for cold weather items, seeing tall piles of clothes sitting all over the bedroom floor once again had me walking down the hall of guilt and mental/physical distress that I once brought upon myself. In the past eight years, the total amount of money I’ve spent on my wardrobe summed up to over $20,000, where between year 2009 and 2012, I was spending $3000 to $4000 per year. This over-consumption behavior was something I struggled to understand over the years. And after having read books like “The Millionaire Next Door” and “Money, A Love Story“, I’ve finally got to a point where I can say those behaviors are understood. And now, I need to work on forgiving myself.
Here, I’m walking down memory lane sharing when I started spending large sums of money on clothes, how I let myself got deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole, what happened when I hit my lowest point, where I am at today and the lessons I’ve learned from this experience. If you’re just interested in reading about the lessons learned, you can scroll down near the end of the post to read that section.
How It All Started
When I moved to Austin to begin my graduate studies, I probably owned 15 pieces of clothing that were presentable. And most of the pieces were purchased by family members while visiting China. At the age of 22, I didn’t know how to shop for age appropriate clothes. While my middle and high school friends were hanging out in the mall, I was working at my part-time job. I didn’t want to spend money anyway. And my mom liked purchasing her clothes at stores in San Francisco’s Chinatown. She had much better luck finding sizes that fit her as most of the clothing items were imported from China, marketed to the Chinese.
Shortly after I started my graduate program I felt the need to buy new clothes. I needed professional clothes to attend conferences. And I also started having this desire to dress better as I was meeting new people. For months, I didn’t know where or how to shop. I asked my new friends for help, and they took me inside stores where they shopped. Time after time, my frustration grew and grew as I couldn’t find clothes that fit me well off the rack (I’m standing barely 5’4″ tall). My non-Asian friends didn’t share the same problem.
After months of shopping with very little success, I was about to accept my destiny—that I would have to wear poor fitting clothes. I wasn’t aware of petite sizes at the time. And it never occurred to me to bring my new clothes to a tailor. Then, one day in early 2009, my world turned around. While browsing the Internet searching for clothes for small women, I learned about the “petite” word! As I continued to browse, I came across small-sized women documenting on their blogs their adventures finding professional clothes that fit. And that did not include shopping at the children’s or teens department. For months I was doing exactly that! Imagine my joy when I learned about retailers like J. Crew, Banana Republic, Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor Loft that offered petite sizes! Yes, petite sizes are for women 5’4″ and under. I was obsessed reading through those blogs. I also spent hours browsing through the websites of those aforementioned retailers. I felt like I conquered something great. I was jumping up and down with joy and a sense of victory. At the same time, little did I know, I was also on my way to spending several thousand dollars at those retailers within the next few months.
